How to be an "Influencer" in 2018 - Your one stop guide to living your dream

Just FYI. This is satirical... I do not recommend doing *any* of the below. It's poking fun at how dishonest and sketchy this whole "influencer" space has become. These are all the tips and tricks people (not everyone... BUT more than you would think) are actually doing to BE/become "influencers". 

Do you want to be an influencer? Do you love following other influencers' journeys all around the world? Do you want to be sitting front row at fashion week? Do you want to sail around the Mediterranean Coast on a private yacht? Do you wish you could record unboxing videos of all the free stuff brands have sent you? If you've answered yes to any of these questions, this guide is for you!!! 

Step 1 - Buy followers

One of the most important things to starting your influencer career is followers! What brand doesn't love thousands of followers? Don't think you have what it takes to build followers organically (because who has time for that anyway?). Buy 10,000 followers every month until you hit 50,000. Don't want to be sketchy about it? Buy smaller increments of followers so brands don't catch on. 5,000 a month is fine. In a year, you'll be at 60,000! AMAZING!

Step 2 - Buy likes

You're probably wondering: Caleb, if all my followers are bought, how will I get likes? None of my followers are real. EASY. You buy likes! It's so 2014 to just buy followers. Anyone and their mother will spot a fraud with an account that has over 100k followers and only gets 200-300 likes. I recommend buying around 500 likes per photo to start and then slowing start buying more.  Don't worry if the likes don't kick in immediately, they'll come eventually... See the photo below. There's only 30 likes in 30 minutes. But after an hour or 2 it has over 3k! AMAZING (these are all the fake bought likes). You'll fool everyone! :)

IMG_7450.JPG
IMG_7452.JPG

 

 

Step 3 - Join a comment pod

ig-pod.jpg

What's a comment pod? Usually just a group of people who are following their influencer dreams as well! It's really SO EXCITING and invigorating being in a group of likeminded individuals following their dreams just like you. Make sure you comment on everyone's photo when they post. Sometimes this can take a lot of time so dedicate at least 3 hours a day to engaging with other people. Make sure you comment on everyone's new photo because things get pretty petty, but its 100% worth it. Don't have the time? Uh, did I say being an influencer was easy?

 

 

 

 

Step 4 - #ad #sponsored

You're almost there! Step 4 is all about making sure brands think you're working with other notable brands. You have the followers now and you're getting the likes and comments. But brands aren't reaching out to you yet. How do you start getting brands to reach out? Start tagging #ad or #sponsored in 2 photos per week. This will make your followers impressed with the brands you're working with ("Oh wow, did you see @accountname working with @gucci?? So impressive! I love seeing @accountname follow her dreams!"). Don't have the money to buy a pair of Gucci shoes? Not a problem. Do a buy, wear, return (where you buy the product, wear it and then return it the next day). Just make sure you don't spill something on it.

Good luck! <3

 

@calebthill